Director: Charles Wilkinson Starring: Michael Biehn, Matt Craven, Leilani Sarelle, Miguel Sandoval Certificate: 18 (UK), R (USA)
"Money. Treachery. Vengeance. There is no one to trust."
Plot
Small-time crook Casey and undercover cop Madeline find themselves teaming up against dirty FBI Agents and drug lords over a stolen computer disk.
SPOILERS AHEAD...
At some point during the mid-nineties, Hollywood discovered the Internet. Suddenly we were awash with a bunch of thrillers inevitably involving bespectacled hackers pushing thin circular frames up their sweaty noses, with furrowed brows and asking for five more minutes whilst hunched at a desk, supposedly hacking into "the mainframe". These scenes would be often accompanied by a series of numbers and letters scrolling across a monitor at a frantic pace whilst the hacker speaks some shit about firewalls and access codes. Retrospectively none of this made any sense, but we didn't know any different back then; it looked cool and futuristic and we as an audience bought into it.
Crash aka Breach of Trust aka Crash Point aka Dirty Money aka why does this movie have so many names, dips into that world with the aid of a computer disk that everyone wants to get their hands on but manages to find its way into the possession of petty criminal Casey (Michael Biehn). It transpires that this disk contains access codes to millions of dollars in drug money. Meanwhile, cop Madeline (Leilani Sarelle) is working undercover as a prostitute at a nightclub (which, by the way, plays far too much salsa music), trying to infiltrate and take down a local drug ring that Casey sometimes works for.
I knew this movie wasn't going to be the bastion of realism from the get-go when we see peak 90s Biehn getting turned down in the club when making an advance towards Madeline; I'm only willing to suspend my disbelief so far! This movie is essentially a series of brief set-ups that lead to high octane action sequences involving rooftops, warehouses and alleyways in which people point guns at each other an awful lot. There is very little character development employed here, but then it doesn't need it. I think if you've chosen this movie to watch, you know what you're getting.
After several initial humorous attempts to ditch one another, Madeline and Casey are forced to work together when they realise they're on the run from the same people and, despite their very different backgrounds, on the same side.
Typically I'd insert some images into my review, including one of Michael looking hot and then some other random images in an attempt to pretend I'm not just watching the movie to perv over Biehn for 90 minutes. Unfortunately, on this occasion, Amazon Prime Video has decided that despite me paying £7.99 of my hard-earned money to 'own' this movie, I'm not allowed to take screen captures. I've therefore had to think outside the box, so please enjoy my artist interpretations instead.
Michael plays Casey a little differently from how you might be accustomed. If you're expecting super intense Kyle Reese, prepare to be surprised. He's very nonchalant at times, with his character playing second fiddle to the much stronger-willed Madeline. There's some cute humour thrown in too. Leilani Sarelle is super hot and plays Madeline with enough assertiveness that it is believable that Casey would follow her lead without question.
There's a solid supporting cast here too, led by Matt Craven who's has put down his climbing sticks (I have no idea what they're actually called?!) from K2 and is this time hanging out with the bad guys. There are also appearances from Kim Coates and Ed Lauter, who decided to play his role with the strangest European accent I've heard in a long time. I believe it's meant to be German, but I can't be sure.
Of course, a hot man and a hot woman taking on the bad guys will never end without the two getting it on and I can't finish this review without mentioning the sex scene. Holy cow, does shit get real. It's an orgy of breast rubbing, nipple sucking, arse grabbing, thrusting fun, but it's done tastefully and admittedly, it's actually pretty hot.
There are a couple of minor negatives to mention. Firstly, bearing in mind that most of the action occurs at night, why is the lighting so dark in some scenes that it's hard to see what's happening? Also, I don't know if it was just my version, but the sound mixing was a little off for me and the ADR was very obvious.
Overall, Crash doesn't try to be anything other than a simple action movie with sex, drugs and salsa. It doesn't try to flesh out its characters and keeps the premise simple to move its characters from one set piece to another. It's not going to win any awards for originality, but for a Friday night of beer, pizza and prime Michael Biehn, it'll do just fine.
Conclusion
Crash succeeds in being a perfectly serviceable action thriller by keeping things simple and not stepping outside its boundaries. If you want stimulating, well thought out character development with enriching dialogue, definitely watch something else. If you want lots of people pointing guns at each other whilst two hot people run away from the bad guys, you'll like this movie.
Crash is available to purchase on DVD and through Amazon Prime.
IMDB: 5.4/10 Rotten Tomatoes: Not enough ratings (as of October 2021)
Dies? / Villain?
ALIVE! Sailing off into the sunset with his new woman. / He's a small time crook so probably a villain to someone but he's trying to do the right thing here.
What Did This Movie Teach Me?
Amazon Prime Video are bastards.
Despite being an accomplished actor, Ed Lauter cannot do a German (?) accent.
I find salsa music irritating.
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