Director: Lewis Teague Starring: Charlie Sheen, Michael Biehn, Joanne Whalley, Rick Rossovich, Cyril O'Reilly, Dennis Haysbert, Bill Paxton Certificate: 15 (UK), R (USA)
"America's designated hitters against terrorism."
Plot
During a routine mission, a SEAL team inadvertently stumble upon US stinger missiles in enemy hands and are later tasked with relocating them and destroying them.
SPOILERS AHEAD...
Long exasperated sigh. Oh, Navy Seals. We had to get to you eventually, but where on earth do we begin to dissect this mess?
I must admit, I do always feel a little sad when I think about Navy Seals. In 1990, Michael Biehn was right on the cusp of the A list and this should have been the film that propelled him to the top, but it just wasn't to be. Instead, we have a confused shambles of a movie that is still derided (often unfairly, sometimes justified) to this day.
Navy Seals follows a team of close-knit SEALs (The US army's Sea, Air and Land Forces) who seemingly spend half their time gambling, drinking and out on the golf course and the rest of the time blowing shit up. This movie is truly a fourteen-year-old boy's wet dream. In fact, ask a teenage Call of Duty fan to go and write a film and I'd imagine they'd come back with something not dissimilar. It's interesting to note a reoccurring theme I see in reviews of this movie. Men in their thirties reminiscing about how much they enjoyed it as a kid, only to re-watch as an adult and exclaim: "What the hell was that?!"
Navy Seals is far from being the worst movie in the world; there are some entertaining moments and visually, it looks great. The car sequence at the end is genuinely exciting and suspenseful, but the movie as a whole piece is just so jumbled up. Are you meant to be a comedy? Are you a Top Gun wannabe? Are you a Top Gun spoof? It just feels like everyone wrote their own characters separately with no clear direction on tone or overall premise. For example, we have comedy sequences such as the one where Hawkins (Charlie Sheen) chases down and releases his car from a moving tow truck, followed not long after by the funeral of one of the SEALs which is milked for every last bit of pathos and sentimentality it can possibly manage to eke out of the audience. I'm not saying movies can't do both comedy and sentiment, but Navy Seals doesn't know how to make these transitions in a manner that isn't jarring.
Thankfully, despite this being a military movie, there isn't *too* much macho-man bullshit in Navy Seals. There is a little bit of gung-ho America mawkishness, but not enough to make me, an awkward Brit feel any more uncomfortable than I naturally do!
Navy Seals has an impressive cast list and the SEAL actors do their best to make the team's rapport feel authentic. It doesn't always know how to utilise the cast's talents though. Michael Biehn's Lt Hawkins is the only character that is really explored on any kind of multi-faceted level, playing the respected leader who isn't afraid to show emotion at the death of his friend and colleague. Meanwhile, poor Joanne Whalley is stuck playing a dispensable character whose sole purpose in this movie is to look pretty, be racially insulted, and have a one night stand. And then we have Bill Paxton, who barely features at all despite being BILL FUCKING PAXTON. Although, his character does seem to have acquired the world's first thermal sniper rifle that can see through concrete walls, so that's something I guess...
I've often seen the blame for the movie's failings attributed to Charlie Sheen and I don't entirely agree with that. I like Charlie as an actor, even during his "winning" era. His character is undoubtedly one of many problems here though. Firstly, would he really be disciplined and fit enough to be a SEAL? I don't know a huge amount about these teams but aren't they essentially the toughest, buffest dudes out there? I think we're meant to find Hawkins cool and edgy, but he just acts like a bit of a dick which is summed up with the line: "Trust me with your life, not your money or your wife." As it turns out, he isn't that great with your life either.
Michael has never hidden his disdain for Navy Seals in various interviews, at some point referring to it as "probably the worst experience of my career." With that knowledge, it's fascinating to watch this press junket interview he did with Bobby Wygant in 1990 in which he spends the entire time looking like someone is pointing a gun at his head and telling him to sound enthusiastic. I'd be fascinated to know what the rest of the cast thought.
Does Navy Seals deserve the bad rap it gets? Yes and no. It's not awful, it's just misjudged and I think the main issue is the missed opportunity to make something great. You have so much talent in front of the camera and I'm sure plenty behind it too. With the right direction, this could have been a massive nineties blockbuster and gone out with a bang like many of the cool explosions on-screen. Instead, it's more of a whimper.
Conclusion
Despite its many faults, Navy Seals still has some entertainment value. It's also certainly not Michael's worst movie (Here's looking at you Megiddo). Just be prepared to experience a cliché ridden mess that will leave you frustrated at its lost potential. Michael looks really hot though so there's always that.
Navy Seals is available to purchase on DVD, Blu-Ray and at the time of writing, is streaming for free on Amazon Prime Video in the USA.
IMDB: 5.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes: Critics = 19%, Audience = 42% (As of October 2021)
Dies? / Villain?
ALIVE! High as hell on morphine and minus a good leg, but he makes it to the very end. / He's no villain, he's an all American hero god dammit!
What Does Michael Say? "I have like a Bottom 5 or maybe a Bottom 20 movies and Navy Seals was one of them" - Thrillist August 2011
What Did This Movie Teach Me?
80s porn star moustaches look good on Michael but less so on Bill Paxton.
Bon-Jovi did a TERRIBLE cover of The Boys Are Back in Town.
Anything Else?
The third movie with Michael Biehn, Bill Paxton and Rick Rossovich all appearing together (Lords of Discipline and The Terminator being the previous two) and Michael and Bill's fourth out of five movies together.
The second of three movies in which Michael plays a Navy Seal. The first being The Abyss and the third The Rock.
Rick Rossovich is wearing a Martini Ranch top in the golf scene. Martini Ranch were the awesome band that Bill Paxton was a member of.
Michael Biehn's pretend driving in the bridge scene started a life-long obsession of me looking out for lousy movie driving. I love Michael, but this is not good. I'm pretty sure if he'd actually been driving for real, they'd have all ended up in that bloody river.
Navy Seals is famously referenced in the Kevin Smith movie Clerks ("Ooh! Navy Seals!")
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