I'm a sucker for a bit of nostalgia; I'm also that annoying person who constantly argues that things were better before technology took over the world. My personal favourite decade is the 1980s. Firstly it was my childhood years, so a time of innocence and no responsibility. I also adore the music and movies of that time. One thing I'm less keen on about the "good ol' days" however, is the fashion. There are several photos of me as a child wearing some very questionable clothing I'd quite happily erase from history.
Thankfully I wasn't a Hollywood actor, so those photos never appeared anywhere other than my mum's photo albums. The same can't be said for Michael Biehn. As his career took off during the 70s, 80s and 90s, he inevitably participated in some magazine photoshoots. Michael is obviously a very photogenic man, but some of the photos I've seen from that time are a bit... let's say, questionable. Here are just a few examples:
(All images are courtesy of the Michael Biehn Phoenix Archive)
Meet James, he's the local fixer-upper in the area and he'll build you a lovely set of shelves for not much money. He's an all-round top guy who helps his elderly neighbour carry their shopping and will always hold the door open for you. The problem is that all the young girls in the neighbourhood have a massive crush on him as he insists on walking around town with at least four buttons undone on his shirt, even on the coldest of days.
Here we see Michael attempting to recreate Watership Down using only his naked body and a single black rabbit. It was an ambitious project that didn't quite come to fruition, but we applaud his effects nonetheless. We don't mention the tetanus fiasco that occurred afterwards.
Michael assumes a completely natural stance in this photo whilst pretending to make a telephone call. I've lost count of the number of times I've encountered someone just casually hanging out in the local phone box, hand over their crotch, big smile on their face. On reflection, they're probably calling an adult chat line and I'm hanging out in the wrong places.
Rumour has it that Michael is somewhere in this photo; unfortunately, I've been rendered blind by that yellow shirt and distracted worrying about how much of a fire hazard those white linen trousers are. This pose seems to have been popular in the 1970s and 80s but does anyone naturally assume this position and more importantly, is anyone turned on by it?
Matt Craven was feeling particularly diva-ish the day of this shoot. He refused to participate unless he was allowed to stay comfortable by using Michael's elbow crevice as a pillow. The photographer eventually relented.
In this photo, do we think Michael is:
a) checking the temperature on his forehead?
b) allowing fresh air to circulate into his left armpit?
c) looking for a coherent plot in the movie Jade?
So there we have it, just a few of my personal favourites; the Japanese press, in particular, seem to be the gift that keeps on giving.
Do you have a favourite? Perhaps I've missed one you'd like to share? Pop a comment below and let me know!
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