Director: Avi Nesher Starring: Michael Biehn, Patsy Kensit, Tracy Scoggins, Robert Culp Certificate: 18 (UK), R (USA)
"Eddy Kay is wired to explode"
Plot
Watchmaker Eddy Kay rescues a woman from a burning building however his act of heroism alerts some mysterious former acquaintances who are determined to kill Eddy at all costs. With the help of psychoanalyst Anna Nolmar, Eddy must uncover the truth about his forgotten past before it's too late.
SPOILERS AHEAD...
Timebomb is a strange beast; a mix of crazy early 90s sci-fi mixed with action, guns and boobs. Sometimes unintentionally funny, but always watchable.
We're introduced at the start of the movie to dear sweet Eddy Kay; he's a watchmaker who loves jigsaws, cycling and feeding his fish, he's so nice he even helps his neighbours with gardening; did I mention he's nice? One day after work and shortly after ordering milk and a cheeseburger at the local diner, an explosion in a building opposite prompts Eddy to assume hero mode and run in to rescue a trapped lady and her baby.
We never do find out if Eddy gets his dairy heavy meal as we cut to later that evening and we meet Colonel Taylor who we immediately know is a bad guy because he's just about to indulge in some naughty phone sex involving a bank vault when he suddenly recognises Eddy's face on the evening news. It turns out that Mr Biehn's early nineties chiselled face doesn't do it for everyone and Taylor's night of passion is ruined.
It becomes clear that Eddy is more than just a nice man (did I mention he's nice?) and all is not what it seems as suddenly Eddy is a wanted man. He survives a couple of attempts on his life because… well let's be honest that would be a crap movie if they'd got him 15 minutes in and Eddy starts to have strange hallucinations involving a lousy wig, naked women and Hungarians.
Never fear though because Patsy Kensit is here to save the day. Yes, that's Patsy Kensit as in the former Mrs Liam Gallagher playing Dr Anna Nolmar, a psychoanalyst. To disguise the fact she's only about 20, the wardrobe department appear to have robbed some poor old lady and dressed Kensit up as an 80-year-old. Eddy visits Anna, who promptly seems to think Eddy is probably a crazy loon and should get some tests done at the hospital.
Granny Patsy... sorry, Dr Nolmar eventually realises Eddy isn't completely mad and what ensues is a big ol' game of chase between Eddy and Anna and the bad guys with lots of guns. We're even treated to a shoot-out in an adult movie theatre (why just have guns when you can have guns and boobs?). We learn along the way that Eddy had been part of a brainwashing program run by the government and designed to create perfect assassins. This brainwashing for reasons unknown seems to take the form of encasing humans in a life-size jello mould and covering them with a shit ton of wires; it definitely looks cool.
We have some touching scenes between Anna and Eddy as they get to know each other, including one moment where Anna confirms she is indeed the world's worst psychoanalyst when she divulges that her Dad taught her to suppress her emotions and never cry. I'm pretty sure that's not what they teach you at psych school Anna. The movie progresses along nicely and Eddy starts to remember more of his previous life and becomes more adept at fighting the baddies, including smashing one character's head against a wall about 15 times and shooting the lovely Tracy Scoggins in the knee cap, but he looks lovely while he does it so we'll forgive him eh?
As this was the early 90s and not everything was diluted to secure a lower certificate, we're also treated to the obligatory steamy sex scene between Eddy and Anna where we get an almost uncomfortably close shot of Michael's nipple and some Kensit boobs. Delightful.
By the end of the movie, Eddy now wearing a leather jacket to signify his new macho image, is attempting to stop his former bosses' assassination attempt on a governor named Dean Jordan. Does he succeed? Well, you'll have to watch the movie to find out (Spoiler: Yes, yes he does).
Conclusion This movie is mad and for that reason alone, I love it! Timebomb is three-quarters of the way to being a good movie and you can tell that it began life with a lot of ambition but got lost somewhere along the way. I do ultimately think Patsy Kensit was miscast, but she does her best with the role as do all the actors involved. Michael does a great job as the leading man and gets to show a range of emotions as the initially scared and confused Eddy slowly transforming into the trained assassin of his former life. If early 90s action/sci-fi is your thing, you could do a lot worse than Timebomb.
Timebomb is available on DVD and Blu-Ray.
IMDB: 5.4/10 Rotten Tomatoes: Critics = Not enough ratings, Audience = 33% (As of October 2021)
Dies? / Villain?
ALIVE! Only just though after being beaten up and almost pushed off the side of a building. / Victim not villain this time.
What Does Michael Say?
"I remember exactly where I was sitting when I was told that they’d cast Patsy Kensit to play opposite me, and although Patsy was like, darling, she was sexy and fun, y’know, she was supposed to be a psychiatrist, and she was twenty! [Both laugh] And I thought, that’s strange casting! That movie didn’t turn out as well I’d hoped, but I had a lot of fun making the movie. But what ended up being the movie itself was not, was far… I thought it was going to be a much better movie, and that guy, I don’t think has gone on to direct very much of note." Den of Geek August 2011
What Did This Movie Teach Me?
Aimlessly hitting buttons in abandoned laboratories will set off complex brainwashing and sensory deprivation machinery.
To be a world-class assassin, you must be fluent in Hungarian.
Anything Else?
This film contains one of my favourite Michael Biehn lines ever. Whilst Anna attempts to withdraw some money from an ATM he screams: "Fuck the receipt!” I have no idea why it cracks me up but I have found myself quoting this at inappropriate moments.
The Blu-ray cover has a picture of Michael from Navy Seals on it, the DVD version has an image from American Dragons; the film seems to have a bigger identity crisis than Eddy. In Germany it's also known under the alternative title of 'Nameless - Total Terminator' which is a bit crap!
If someone can point me in the direction of the song that plays over the end credits please let me know, it has a great late 80s/early 90s vibe with ludicrous lyrics and I want it on my playlist!
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